The Struggle of Blogging

The most important part of your story is the start of it. If someone is interested in writing and self expression, I bet they can image a future where they have an anthology of works to pull from, a lifetime of dedication to their craft to the point of a near-completeness. I always hope to get to that point, at least to be able to write enough to not feel unspoken. I am someone who talks a lot, and my ramblings for hours on so many topics seems purposeless when looked at through the lens of some legacy. Every word I have ever said, every session of pacing back-and-forth– lost in thought and going deeper into a story I have never told, each of these things are gone to the world. There is value in simply leaving something as a thought, not everything has to be written or recorded, but in my life I have seen a lot that is temporary, with no weight, it was there and then it isn’t. Maybe these things were only mentioned in conversation, written then subsequently disgarded, or pushed down into the nothing place by an algorithm. Why can I not fight this? I want to make something truly permanent.

Have you ever struggled to write? I have for years, and I was really in love with the time that I was in a creative writing club and a lot of the barriers were just gone, the community was there, I just had to be present. But now those days are over, and there has probably been three attempts since then to get a personal blog off the ground. Each time failing because of some sense of perfectionism, a lack of desire to write about what I want to write about, and feeling of not being genuine. I want this time to be different, I NEED this time to be different. I feel responsible for a lot more now than I ever have. My words aren’t that important, but what they could facilitate in the lives of others, I find this to be motivation enough. At least I find it to be motivating enough that I can’t let this fail like the other times. This time, I really feel like I am writing for a reason.

Well, what’s the point of this post? I need something to start, anything to get this going and begin on the right footing. I guess the point here is that if I can’t write about something, then I need to write about why I can’t write. It is a forcing function, I am not going to try to stick to some arbitrary schedule, only for that schedule to disengage me and then I quit. But, if that urge to write comes, and I have nothing to put on the page, then that is the time to write about what I am lacking. If I want to do something, something trivial like writing, yet I can’t, then I am lacking something. I need to be a better man, a man with more discipline, a man with more resolve, a man who will not let the spelling or bad grammar that I have cultivated over the years from stopping me from acting. If you are reading this, can you relate?

There is no call to action here– the action is to post! I must do it, not because these words are going to change the world, but because these words are downstream of a greater change I want to happen in my life. I hope my words connected with you if you are reading this, then check out my non-profit, Agency Economy, I would love to engage with you on stuff like this. Whatever journey you are going through.